Only two weeks to go until the end of the world, trivia lovers! Election 2016 Hey, might as well tickle your brain while you're waiting. Need help? Hit us up on Twitter or Facebook…
1. Fill in the BLANKs: On April 27, despite the fact that his chances of winning the Republican nomination were almost totally gone, BLANK named BLANK as his running mate.
2. Whose name is depicted here?
Well, we've all had a few days to process that election. Fun fun.
But let's look at the aspects of the election that we can all agree on: trivia. Here in New York, we'll soon have a new governor, Andrew Cuomo. As you are doubtless aware, he is the son of a former governor, Mario Cuomo (in office 1983–1994). Hey, I voted for Andrew, and I like what I see from the guy, but I'm always a little skeptical of nepotism. I mean, what are the odds that the best guy for the job just happens to had his diaper changed by the boss?
Still, the Cuomos are far from alone; American politics—actually, politics everywhere—is extremely nepotistic. Makes me wonder if we should've just gotten ourselves a king after all (actually, we almost did). Some highlights:
— Ben Quayle, the 34-year-old son of the guy who's in a 20-way tie for the title of worst Vice President ever, just won the race to represent the third district of Arizona. Not that hard a trick, since it's a pretty bright red district, but Ben had some disadvantages: He attracted negative attention for running an ad in which he labeled Barack Obama "the worst President in history," in a stunningly poor understanding of American history; he also starred in a commercial with a couple little girls who he implied were his children (they're his nieces). Worst of all—to my mind—he announced his candidacy by having his dad declare it on Fox News. Ugh.
—Kentucky's getting itself a new senator, Rand "The Civil Rights Act Blows" Paul. An ophthalmologist, Paul had never run for office anymore, yet he managed to defeat both the Secretary of State and the Attorney General of Kentucky in order to win in this crazy, crazy year. Basically, the only reason he attracted any attention (at first) was because of his paternity: His dad is Texas Rep. Ron Paul, way too many Democrats' favorite Republican presidential candidates. This means that come January, we will have the rare occurrence of father and son have served in Congress simultaneously. (I wrongly tweeted the other day that this was the first time this was happening in 150 years, but I plum forgot about our national royalty, the Kennedys: The late Teddy's son Patrick has repped Rhode Island in the House since 1995.) Will Ron be jealous that his kid has a seat in a higher chamber? Does he secretly feel like he's smarter than his kid? How could he not, after seeing this:
As we come into the final stretch of political season, we come into the final stretch of political satire season. Perhaps you've seen this…
The key, of course, is that pretty much every word here is historical fact: These were actual verifiable insults slung between Adams and Jefferson (and Hamilton) in the insanely bitter 1800 presidential election. Like today, it seemed like a lot was at stake; when Jefferson did win, it was the first time the presidency changed party hands, and no one knew if this still-audacious governmental experiment could withstand it. So people were a little overheated; the rancor in those days, today's discourse seems like an episode of The Waltons. What we should really be upset about is how uncreative our current politicians are.
Take heart: Adams and Jefferson later became great friends. Besides, Jerry Brown is going to win!
I've got a little list. I call it the States We Can Do Without. You know me, I like to think of myself as Mr. America, I love this stupid, fucked-up country, but I do think we could stand to lose a couple of the 50 states. Specifically, two: Alaska, which is essentially a welfare state and isn't worth the wilderness (I'd take the central California coast over it any day); and South Carolina, which has some of the nuttiest politicians known to mankind and, as far as I can tell, has produced nothing of any value apart from Stephen Colbert. Sorry to any natives of these states, but that's my platform. I'll just have to win without their electoral votes.
But a third state is getting dangerously close to the list: Arizona. Yes, for the obvious reason, but a few others too. It's sad, because I've been there several times and had a certain fondness for the state: a wonderful teenage vacation to Phoenix, an appreciation for the magic of Circle K, and the only member of Congress I know personally. And I've never even been to the Grand Canyon.
But in the past few years, the bloom has come off the cactus. Mama and Papa Quizmaster spend a healthy amount of time each winter in AZ, and I rather adamantly advised them against purchasing a house there (first time they listened to me on something relating to money). There really shouldn't be a state there, or at least not a giant, moisture-sucking city like Phoenix (largest state capital in the country), and I shudder to think what life there will be in that region in 10, 20, 25 years, when global warming has reduced the area to a bunch of air-conditioning stores perched on a giant pile of sand. If they razed half the strip malls and replaced them with solar-reflector farms, they'd be on the right track, but I just don't see that happening in the Red State Riviera.
Then there's Uncle John:
Urgh. Call me cliché, but I used to think the guy was all right, and wonder how he resisted the urge to smack George W. Bush over the head with a meat tenderizer, but the '08 election revealed him to be pretty craven and soulless. Besides, it's probably his fault that I've already given up on Alaska.
And now this, Arizona SB1070. Look, I don't follow the issue of illegal immigration all that much, and despite being a lefty, I have a lot of sympathy for the "What part of illegal don't you understand?" argument. (I have an innate passion for following the rules.) But the whole concept of people being forced to show their papers to any cop who asks—brown people, let's not kid ourselves—makes me incredibly uncomfortable. It reminds me of when my parents took me to see Mel Brooks's To Be or Not to Be in 1983, and even in that mediocre comedy, I was terrified to confront the reality of life under the Third Reich. I knew about concentration camps, but to learn that any soldier could stop you and drag you away to your doom if they didn't like what they found—the capriciousness really freaked me out. Yes, yes, this law is nothing like Nazi Germany, and even deportation (which isn't even the penalty for a first offense) isn't Dachau. But as I say, it makes me uncomfortable.
So sorry, Arizona, but you're really starting to burn my hide . I still want to see the big hole someday, but for now, I'm going to lay off the Dial soap and feel bad that the bigquizthing.com URL is registered with Go Daddy. It's all I can do as a true American.
Some more politics: Surely you're familiar with Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), right-wing loony toon and perpetual subject of lefty blog derision. She appeared on most people's radar shortly before the November election when she said she wished "the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America." This is the least of it; Wikipedia, naturally, sums up the toll of her verbal diarrhea, although her official website is enlightening in its own way.
(By the way, as a former Minnesota resident, I am indeed ashamed that anyone in that fair state would vote for a nimrod like this, but I believe that 90 percent of the Republicans in the state are concentrated in her district. True, that doesn't account for Norm "Crybaby" Coleman, but don't get me started.)
Bachmann's had a couple of new doozies in the past couple of days. First, she noted that it was "interesting" that "back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat President, Jimmy Carter." Of course, that last flu scare was 1976, when Gerald Ford—a Republican—was in charge. Then today, she subscribed to the single stupidest anti-Obama canard of the past few months: that spending during a recession was proved faulty when the New Deal plunged the nation further into the Great Depression. Specifically, she blamed FDR for massive unemploymentt, due to his implementation of the "Hoot-Smalley" tarrifs.
First of all, Thomas Paine here is referring to the Smoot-Hawley tariff, signed into law in 1930 by President—yep—Herbert Hoover, a Republican. Furthermore, both Smoot and Hawley were GOP senators. Dumb-ass.
But perhaps I'm being too harsh. After all, as I alluded to here, I am not innocent of making faulty statements about the history of American government. In fact, Monday night, I asked you all this monumentally stupid question:
Q: 1987 was the first year what kind of person was elected to the U.S. Senate?
I have no idea why I ever wrote this down and how I ever determined that this was a valid question for the quiz. Problem A is that there wasn't even a Senate election in 1987. More importantly, my intended answer—a woman—is so completely off the mark, I should be shot with a blunderbuss. The question would have worked if I had said 1930—57 years earlier—when Arkansan Hattie Caraway was elected.
To make up for it, here's a nice photo of the current women in the Senate:
I can name every one of these ladies. In fact, I can name all 100 currently serving senators (along with most of the governors). So let's call Monday temporary batshit insanity. And for the next week, feel free to call me Quizmaster Bachmann.
If you care at all about politics, you've heard the news. Longtime Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter has flipped: No longer Republican, now a Democrat. One of the few remaining moderates in the GOP's Senate caucus, Specter was feeling alienated; perhaps more importantly, former Rep. Pat Toomey, a far-right conservative, was planning a primary challenge for the '10 election, and had been polling 21 points ahead among PA's likely Republican primary voters.
Now then…besides being reminded of the excitement when a professional wrestler flips from bad guy to good guy ("turns face"), I start to think about which other Republican senators might make the big move. You know, in the middle of an post-match interview, smack his tag-team partner over the head with a chair and declare that he's now buddies with Hulk Ho—er, Barack Obama.
Most likely, in my completely unqualified opinion:
1. Dick Lugar (IN) Obama's buddy, despite being the most senior Republican in the Senate (he took office in 1977). A foreign-affairs whiz, no fool, and no lunatic. I like this guy a lot, and I can't imagine he doesn't see which way the wind is blowing. If it keeps blowing as much as it has for the GOP, Lugar might be smart enough to abandon ship.
2. Olympia Snowe (ME). It's got to be hard to stay a Republican in New England, but Snowe is massively popular . She thinks for herself: pro gay and abortion rights, but pro drug war and Cuba embargo. A lot of right-wing groups label her a RINO; the GOP gets less hospitable by the day for people like her.
3. Susan Collins (ME). Much like Snowe, Collins is that rare moderate Republican, the freshwater manatee of politics. They also have similar stances on the issues, and both are lambasted by lockstep conservatives, though Collins trends a little more to the right; she can be a little overzealous about elimination government programs. In my fantasies, Snowe and Collins flip to the Dems simultaneously (yes, my "fantasies").
4. Lisa Murkowski (AK). Lots of ladies here, but hey—that's the GOP's problem, its inability to accept any viewpoints that don't belong to rich and/or paranoid white guys. Murkowski is another moderate; she's lousy on environmental issues, but since she's from Alaska, I give her somewhat of a pass (they have their own considerations). More importantly, she and Sarah Palin apparently despise each other. If the Hockey Puck retains her role as avenging angel of the whack-job Right, Murkowski might feel like she's being forced into the arms of the enemy.
5. Judd Gregg (NH). The only non-Maine New England Republican senator, Gregg was Obama's first pick for Commerce secretary, but backed out and basically stabbed the President in the back when he claimed he couldn't abide the Democratic agenda. I don't know; I saw Gregg's change of tune to be more a political maneuver than one of principle. As the GOP spirals further down the drain, perhaps he'll have a change of heart. Or maybe he's just another raving maniac, and I should've put George Voinovich here.
Welcome to the Big Quiz Thing blog: The Place for Politics.
Well, perhaps not. But last night's BQT was a place for politics, at least, as we presented a heaping spoonful of election-anticipating political trivia, to go with the usual anything-and-everything quiz fare.
For those of you who missed it, the video round, "Presidential Logo-A-Go-Go," tested players to name the presidential candidate by the logo, with the name cleverly Photoshopped out. Good job, many of you. To others…this is not Adlai Stevenson:
It's this guy (also the last major-party nominee before McCain who wasn't born in the United States, but that's another trivia question).
Otherwise, we whooped it up with "The Mystery Audio Round." Most of you figured out the mystery pretty fast, but here you go: Every song was by an artist with a President's last name in his/her/their name (e.g., people like James Taylor; bands like Bush). Yes, we left off Wilson Phillips, Bryan Adams, Lita Ford, Aaron Carter; all good options. Linkin Park—maybe. The Dead Kennedys or Mojo Nixon—that's what they intended in the first place.
Anyway, don't forget to vote. Then don't forget to come to the next BQT, November 10, when we'll be applying a bit of a Alfred Hitchcock theme, to celebrate our giveaway of tix to the Broadway production of The 39 Steps (it's a Broadway show based on a Hitchcock movie, don't you see). And yes—that's in addition to the regular $250 grand prize. Value!
This week's standings…
1. Strippers for the Retiring Stephen Hawking: They're not retiring; Stephen Hawking is. Anyway, they pulled out a narrow tiebraker victory, so they definitely ain't going nowhere.
2. Fantastic Fournicators: Returning champions. Sorry, but I'm pretty confident you'll be back.
3. Sugah Titz
4. Gerard Depardouche
5. Suck It, Trebeck!
We really need some new teams in the upper echelons. November 10, smart guys!
And vote. Preferably not for this guy.
It felt good: returning to the BQT after the four-week hiatus. Apologies: venue complications. But the quiz is reliably on every other Monday night through the end of 2008. We are here for you, rest easy.
Last night's show witnessed the return of what I generally consider the Big Quiz Thing's marquee video round, "The Bipolar Movie Challenge." (I must post it to YouTube posthaste.) Some were easy (I heard one big shot scoff at how he got the Gangs of New York/West Side Story combo within two seconds), some were hard, all were clever. If I may so say, of course…
Hardest question last night: Only two teams knew this unnecessarily long query during the Lightning Round: "We tend to call any animal-like stone building appendage of a gargoyle, but technically, gargoyles serve as waterspouts. If it doesn’t channel water, it’s technically known as a what?" Some logical guesses (statue, buttress, caryatid), but few got it on the menacing, hauntingly misshapen nose.
Easiest question: "At the very beginning of this year’s vice presidential debate, while the candidates were shaking hands, Sarah Palin asked Joe Biden if she could what?" Yeah, I knew it wasn't exactly the riddle of the Sphinx, but I'd underestimated the cultural ubiquity of this little factoid. As I commented, Sarah Palin has become a political-trivia gift that keeps on giving; now I know how Tina Fey feels.
Speaking of which: Yes! Next show, October 27, there will be a bit of a political theme running through things. Not too much—you do not need to be a Nate Silver acolyte to do well (or enjoy) the show. What we will have is "Presidential Logo A-Go-Go": Name the candidate whose presidential-race logo I have cleverly manipulated. Like so:
Fun! Plus, the return of "The Mystery Audio Round"! Nothing but joy, even if the polls have tightened up by then.
And now, the standings from last night. Lots of regulars here; come on, new people!
1. Fantastic Fournicators (I have officially declared them the winningest team in BQT history, though I have no hard evidence to verify that)
2. Gerard Depardouche (probably the second-placiest team in BQT history)
3. Sugah Titz (respectable for returning champs)
4. Birds of Ill Omen
5. Strippers for Stephen Hawking
In some incredibly unsurprising news about your quizmaster, I made a point of getting together with friends last night to watch the vice-presidential debate. I admit to being slightly disappointed that Governor Palin didn't literally fall on her face, but I'm comforted by the fact (yes, fact! I am an optimist!) that the result will have a minimal effect, if any, on reviving Senator McCain's nearly dead (and brain dead) campaign.
Regardless, it was a fun gathering: We played Vice Presidential Debate Bingo, and I drew this card:
Sorry if you can't see it so well, but I had bum luck. I didn't win, and the only single space that would've put me over the top was "Intellectuals" (but hey, I was surprised to be able to cross off "Candidate cries").
After the debate, I stumped guests with some of my standby political trivia questions. Some of these are hella tough:
Q: Before McCain, who was the last major-party presidential nominee who wasn't technically born in the United States?
Q: Name the only state that currently has a female governor and two female U.S. senators.
Q: What three states gave their electoral votes to George W. Bush both times (2000 and '04), yet currently have a Democratic governor and two Democratic U.S. Senators?
Q: What state has given its electoral votes to the winner of the presidential election the most times running—every election since 1960?
Q: What state has voted for the same party in presidential elections the most times running—every election since 1976?
Want more? We're going to political it up at the quiz on October 27…
Earlier this week, Time Out New York received the following unsigned fax from a purported reader:
I guess you terribly sophisticated idiots actually believe that the “holiday” that mysteriously has no name and is celebrated in December is the birthday of a guy called Santa Claus. Yes, that must be the reason Time Out New York has a picture of Santa on its cover. I must, however, inform you morons that the no-name generic holiday on December 25 is called Christmas. Perhaps you mentally deficient, politically correct children have heard of Christmas? You know, Christmas shopping, Christmas trees, Christmas decorations, the birth of Christ. Oh, yes: It is the birth of Christ we all celebrate. We give Christmas presents because the Three Wise Men brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. The holiday is really a holy day. Get the picture? Since I do not celebrate no-name holidays—nor the birth of Mr. Claus—I will no longer subscribe to your magazine.
Okay, this person is fucking insane. Apart from the fact that I strongly doubt that he/she is an actual subscriber (the double-penetration shots in the Sex issue were fine; it's a picture of Santa Claus that's really offensive), they're denying reality: The word "Christmas" was used many, many times in that issue, and this person's impression that we refuse to name it is based on complete pessimist fantasy. Moreover, is TONY the only magazine associating Christmas with Santa Claus? Everyone else is putting Jesus on the cover of their magazine, hanging pictures of Jesus in stores, hiring someone to dress as Jesus and sit in a shopping mall, inviting children to sit on his lap and whisper in his ear? Really?
This is part of the whole so-called war on Christmas—if you know me, you know that perhaps nothing just plain pisses me off more. It's yet more hateful bullshit from the right wing, calling anyone who doesn't coddle them bigots and traitors. There is no "war on Christmas": I live in Democratic pacifist secular liberal Communist egghead blame-America-first man-on-man New York City, where Christmas is everywhere; as I write this, it's December 24, and I will kill a human being if I hear "Wonderful Christmas Time" by Paul McCartney one more time. I have never heard of anyone denying the importance of Christmas; "happy holidays" or "season's greetings" is not rejecting Christmas—it's including Christmas, along with New Year's, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and whatever the fuck else people want to celebrate in this country that is fundamentally based on religious freedom. Grow up.
Seriously, is there a "war on Christmas"? Has anyone heard of anyone actively trying to expunge Christmas or Christianity from the American dialog? There are rumors of schools here and there throughout the United States who come down on "Christmas pageants" and the like—are these real? And if they are, is there any trend beyond a few isolated incidents? I really want to know.
