Coastering and rollering, part two

More on my birthday trip to Six Flags. Yesterday I covered the three top coasters—all awesome—now I round up the rest, ranging from quite good to gruesomely pathetic…

4. Superman: Ultimate FlightThe gimmick here is that once riders are strapped in, the seats flip back so that they're in a "flying" position, à la the Man of Steel. You ascend a ridiculous high distance (115 feet off the ground), facing downward, stirring even the most latent fear of heights. Then, the ride spends down a serpentine steel track, including a cool pretzel loop (pictured above, though that's at the Georgia Six Flags). Fun, kind of soothing, but too short to really have an impact (and the design is ridiculously dated; there are faded signs along the line area with 15-year-old drawings of forgotten Superman characters).

5. The Great American Scream MachineAnother classic steel coaster, with a lot of corkscrew and batwing turns. A little jerkier than one would like—apparently, this ride results in a lot of whiplash injuries. Still, it provides the prototypical looping-coaster experience, and I wish we'd thought to go back for a second run. Also, it has an awesome name.

6. The Dark Knight
The new indoor coaster last year, and boy, is this thing lame. The experience begins by watching a useless short film (a tie-in with the movie, complete with an appearance by Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent), before you're led into the ride proper, which is a "Wild Mouse"–type deal; you travel in what's basically a cart along a looping horizontal track, nearly crashing into supposedly disturbing distractions. It's like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride at Disney World, which was my favorite ride as a gutless little kid (I didn't venture on anything serious till I was an adult).

The Dark Knight features only a few moderately surprising, short drops, a couple of tight turns, and underwhelming special effects. (This was the only coaster that the scaredy-cat in my party was willing to ride.) Yeah, the Dark Knight would be a great ride for a young kid, but The Dark Knight is an absolutely horrible movie for a child, so the whole endeavor makes zero sense.

7. Rolling Thunder
Lousy. A 30-year-old, piece-of-shit wooden coaster that is extremely bumpy, extremely boring, and probably extremely unsafe. It doesn't fill one with confidence to read that, in this age of silently efficient steel coasters, the major modern improvement of Rolling Thunder is the replacement of Douglas fir with Southern yellow pine. We waited an extra ten minutes on the loading platform while a drunk handyman fixed a malfunctioning restraining bar with a rusty screwdriver. That was enough to get our scaredy-cat headed for the exist, and I really should've followed.

Oh, and we also went on the Congo Rapids Ride and the Log Flume, both of which soaked me good on a sizzling day. Plus, I got a picture with members of the Justice League. Good times, great oldies.

Coastering and rollering, part one

Yesterday, for my birthday, I engaged in a little NT tradition: I journeyed down to the state of New Jersey, in the municipality of Jackson, to Six Flags Great Adventure. And I rode several examples of Russian culture's greatest gift to humanity, the roller coaster. And it was good.

As part of the nation's premier amusement-park chain, Great Adventure takes its thrill rides seriously, and has the budget to do so (or did). Among its roster is the world's tallest and fastest coaster (the Kingda Ka), the wooden coaster with the steepest drop (El Toro), the world's No. 7 rated coaster (Nitro), and several other grade-A rides. I had the absolute best time anyone ever had ever.

Sadly, the wonderfully intense Kingda Ka, which I'd ridden twice before, was closed for the day—when you shoot people up 456 feet in five seconds, safety demands annoyingly frequent maintenance (this video makes me smile, but does not do the experience justice). Also inexplicably unavailable was Bizarro (named for the Superman villain), this summer's new attraction, which is actually the old Medusa spiffed-up and rebranded; too bad, because the smooth, serpentine Medusa was always a favorite of mine.

But I rode the shit out of everything else (hooray for the Flash Pass; $20 is totally worth it to bypass the lines). My rankings:

1. El Toro
I took three trips on this massive wooden coaster, with an unbelievable 76-degree drop, and I still can't fully wrap my mind around it. This thing is just sick. My primary reaction was "the Cyclone on some serious crystal meth," which is fairly accurate. It has the kind of drops, banked turns, and headchopper effects of the Coney Island standby, but way faster and way, way more intense. It simply never lets up. After a disconcertingly fast ascent, there are two consecutive drops that make you feel like you're being pushed out of an airplane; throughout the ride, there's a nearly unrelenting feeling of air-time. You can tell it's great; everyone's smiling when they get off.

2. Batman: The RideA classic. This ride has been at several Six Flags locations since 1989, when Bat-hype infested the globe, and despite the pervasive reminder of a film better left forgotten, the ride is just terrific. It's a steel inverted coaster, which means the track runs above the riders' heads, with feet dangling (people need to leave their flip-flops in the station). A number of corkscrew loops and zero-gravity rolls result in a very smooth and graceful experience. A short ride, but marvelously well designed, packing a lot of excitement into its brief time.

3. NitroI previously wasn't keen on this ultramodern coaster. First off, the restraint—a large rubber arrow that basically pins your abdomen to the seat—always felt insufficient to a stringbean like me, and combined with the ride's minimalist steel track, it seemed unsafe (I know, I know, you're far more likely to get hurt driving to the park). It travels a relatively long distance—as you ascend, it looks like you're about to voyage into the wilds of Delaware—and incorporates a number of camelback drops that have the nasty habit of turning my stomach. But yesterday, at the insistence of my companions, I rode it three times, and learned to love the elegance and smoothness. Still not my favorite, but I'll never again vote to pass it up during a trip to the park. (Watch this if you're curious.)

Four more coasters in my next post. Stay tuned…