November 11, 2009

This is real: The Mr. Lower East Side Pageant

Quizfans, as you all know, I am an extremely beautiful human being. Odes have been written to my Adonis-like visage, my perfectly chiseled corporeal form, my bountiful charm. I'm hot stuff, in a word (or two). In fact, I have a history in the hot-stuff business, having twice been a contender in The Mr. Lower East Side Pageant, New York City's No. 1 ironic hipster-doofus male beauty competition. Prior to my quizmaster career, I had a life as a wacky-ass stand-up comedian, and it's under that persona (pictured above) that I competed two years in a row—the first runner-up, in fact, on my second try.

This year's Mr. LES, the 11th annual, is tomorrow night, the 12th. While it does adhere to certain classic pageant tropes—evening wear competition, vacuous Q&A—it's a couple million miles away from Bert Parks/baton-twirling territory (dated references?). First, it's hosted by Saint Reverend Jen, a, shall we say, unique local celebrity I'm rather fond of; second, the winner is determined by the whooping and hollering votes of all women and gay men in attendance. And third, the one-minute talent portion defies basic description: One year, I stood in a plastic bucket and poured various strange items down my pants (laundry detergent: among the worst ideas of my life); the next I did a condensed puppet-show reenactment of Say Anything. Man, I forgot how weird I used to be.

And what happens if you win? Allow me to quote Rev Jen herself: "The new monarch will receive a crown, which comes complete with a detachable bong along with a slice of pizza from Rosario’s, a six-pack of Budweiser, and the knowledge that he has been chosen by the people. Runner-up will receive the dubious honor of Mr.
Tribeca, and will get to wear a smaller vagina-shaped crown throughout the year. There will also be prizes given for 'best male tits,' 'congeniality' and 'best nutsack.'" Congeniality—crazy. I will say, though, that the winner finds himself with some actual responsibility, having to maintain a solid presence on the downtown underground performance scene. But having done that with no royal standing myself for several years, I can tell you there are far, far worse fates.

Get more details here: It's at the Bowery Poetry Club tomorrow, 10pm, $7. Arrive at 9:45, ladies and light-loafered men, if you want to get in on the judging action.


Anonymous said...

The most fun ya kin hav in public,w/out gittin'arrested!

aksawy said...

اذا كنت بحاجه الى خدمة متميزة لنقل الاثاث فلن تجد افضل من شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض والتى تعتمد على اقوى وافضل سيارات النقل والتحميل والتى تتميز بالقوة والسرعه فى الوصول الى المكان المطلوب فى الوقت المحدد , كما تتميز الشركة بعدة مزايا جعلتها من افضل الشركات العامله فى نقل الاثاث حيث تتمتع ب :
افضل شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بالرياض
شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض رخيصة
شركة جلي بلاط
شركة تنظيف كنب بالبخار
شركة تنظيف فلل
مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
شركة رش مبيدات
شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالرياض
شركة تخزين اثاث
تنظيف مسابح
كشف تسربات المياه
شركات مكافحة الحشرات بجدة
شركات مكافحة الحشرات بالدمام

شركة الاختصاصي
شركة الاختصاصي
شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض
شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض
- الجودة العاليه للخدمات المقدمة فتتم على اعلى مستوى من الكفاءة والحرفيه
- الامانه والمصداقيه والاحترافيه العاليه والخبرة فى الاداء