Do you like blood and guts in your theater?

You do? Good: The Big Quiz Thing will provide.

This Monday night, our prizes include tickets to two (count 'em) theatrical experiences, both featuring the kind of lovable, over-the-top violence that you simply won't get from Phantom of the Opera (though that would make it a lot better). And, discount offers.

First, more tickets to The Toxic Avenger.

Perhaps you don't believe that I sincerely loved this show and am just blowing smoke to get more free passes, but so be it. It's really clever, and genuinely funny (even though it's only loosely based on the "classic" Troma movie). Don't miss when Toxie rips a dude's spine out. Even if you don't win on Monday, you can click here for a nifty discount offer. And hey, upgrade to the best seats for $10 more by clicking here.

Plus, this Monday, we have passes to a haunted house! Really! NYC's biggest, Nightmare: Vampires…

I'm told Nightmare is set in the "Museum of Vampyric Artifacts… At first you will be viewing the exhibits…and then you'll be running from them!" (Kind of like when I went to the Pompidou Centre after doing mushrooms.) Another discount offer: Click here and use the code "LDED1" for $5 off.

I need to check this out; never been, but I'm a fan of haunted houses. In college, I was the tour guide for one, accompanied by a sci-fi geek girl I had the serious hots for. We dressed as Dream and Death and made little kids cry. One townie jock thought he was hot shit and grabbed one of our "cow's eyeballs" and popped it into his mouth; he was disappointed to discover it was a rancid cocktail onion. Death eventually rejected my advances (wow), but many moons later, I sort of met my current lady friend through a completely different haunted house, so there's always a happy ending. Even when vampires are chasing you and someone's getting their spine ripped out.