January 8, 2012

A consumer-product tour of Berlin

Guten tag! Actually, I haven't been in Germany in ten days (unless you count my airport layover in Munich six days ago, en route from Switzerland), but forgive me, your quizmaster is still in New Year's catch-up mode. 'Cause I rock just that hard, yo. (Also, I was busy listening to 2011's "best" music for the very first time.)

As I do every time I visit an exotic or semi-exotic place, I like to enter a supermarket and photographically take note of novel and/or bizarre products, from my Amero-Canadian POV. On this blog I've discussed shopping adventures in Puerto Rico, Switzerland, and London, and now we come to Berlin. A four-day post-Xmas visit with family was extremely historically educational; there was something exceedingly historically gratifying about lighting the Hanukkah candles and reading Superman comics in the heart of the former Third Reich (especially while my bedtime reading was The Man in the High Castle). I think I determined that the Germans aren't that bizarre, despite what porno-obsessed stand-up comics might tell you, But still, here's what I found (sorry for the lousy photos, but the grocer was eying me suspiciously)…
It seems appropriately German to me that the English names for these generic cereals are so clinically descriptive: "Cinnamon Flavored Squares" and "Fruit Rings." Maybe we should start calling Rice Krispies "Oblong Dun-Colored Pellets of Crisped Rice Grain."

I am almost literally the farthest thing from a beer expert, but I don't think I've ever seen this before: loose bottles of beer (and whatever that vodka drink is) on an unrefrigerated shelf. Something seems really, really low-rent about it; I mean, even a frat house finds room for a crappy fridge. Yet these are the Germans were talking about, the world's beer authorities, mandating the quality of the beverage by law. So who are we to question their shelving techniques?

Speaking of lack of refrigeration…

These are packages of German-farm-fresh eggs, just sitting out there on the shelf, ready to go rotten or worse. (I also saw what looked like frozen dinner entrées exposed to the temperate world.) This made me slightly queasy—don't eggs go, like, instantly bad if they're not treated with the utmost care? Aren't you courting digestive death via omelette? Yet when I mentioned this apparent anamoly to my sister (a Swiss resident), she looked at me like I was crazy. "Oh, sure," she said. "They never do that anywhere in this part of Europe. We've taken to not refrigerating our eggs at home; it makes a lot more sense." Great, one year as a European resident and she already hates our American way of life.

I'm convinced there's a huge vein of untapped humor in the topic of toothpaste. From the Cavity Creeps to Triple Protection Aqua Fresh, no general product category has inspired more hilariously overblown and bizarre TV commercials over the past 60 years. Thus, I really dig the names of these German brands: Odol-med 3, Aronal, Elmex. I'm guessing those were rejected names for members of the Three Musketeers.

This made my heart skip a beat (almost literally)…

The USA may be the greatest country ever in the history of all time since the beginning of the universe, but you know what we don't have enough of? Breakfast cereals adapted from candy bars. We have Reese's Puffs, but that's all that comes to mind. Yet in Germany, not only did I spot Nestlé Crunch cereal (I can't imagine the deliciousness), but this: Lion Cereal. For the uninitiated, Lion Bars are very popular and indescribably tasty candy bars found throughout Europe; I discovered them when I spent a teenage summer in the U.K. and ate them pretty much nonstop (you can find them in NYC if you put in a little effort). I'm fascinated by the concept of beginning my day consuming a variant on the product. Now you know what to get me for Valentine's Day.

Finally, German is an inherently funny language. So on a side trip to a department store, these gave me 20 minutes of serious amusement:
I was about to write that I really, really want to know what Don Corleone sounds like in German, but then I thought I also want to hear Luca Brasi. And Jack Woltz. And fuck it, Fredo too.

POTA is one of my absolute favorite movies ever, but the one logical flaw that has always stuck in my craw is the fact that the apes speak English. No, even that is fine: It's that they speak English and Taylor doesn't find that strange (though the twist ending provides a plausible enough explanation). But if the apes are speaking German…well, now we're playing a whole different ball game, aren't we?

I'm guessing that Dynasty, or its closest German equivalent, just doesn't fly in German as indicating jet-setting glamor and intrigue among the super-rich of the 1980s. But does Der Denver Clan ("the Denver clan") really solve the problem. I mean, Denver? Doesn't quite have the cachet of Dallas, does it?

"Murder is her h0bby." Oh, boy. There's that great stat that considering the small size of Cabot Cove, Maine, over the entire 12-year run of Murder, She Wrote, a full 2% of the residents were killed. And that maybe the secret behind the series is that Jessica Fletcher is a serial killer (with some powers of mind control, enabling her to hypnotize others into confessing to her crimes). I guarantee this all seems so much more believable in German.

Where to next? Australia…I'm hoping (by the time I'm 40, I've been saying). Care to join me?


Anonymous said...

Whatsoever decorating solution you make use of, you can obtain returning this surface on the tresses through utilizing mineral water. brazilian hair uk This convenience on the Brazilian tresses extension will it be obtains simply blended with lots of surface in addition to models in addition to will also be recovered here we are at it is first style. brazilian hair It truly is put on on top of this weft, which often is among the most most usual trending model. There are various tactics which might be helpful to allow bright in addition to smooth look for this extension cords. brazilian hair sale The item involves keratin (some sort of by natural means transpiring healthy proteins) which often is accountable to retaining this hold on their owners.

qiuml said...

chanel handbags
ed hardy outlet
air max shoes
michael kors outlet online
burberry outlet online
ray ban sunglass
fitflops outlet
cheap snapbacks hats
chanel outlet
fitflops sale
michael kors handbags
coach outlet store online
ray ban outlet
coach outlet store online
ray ban wayfarer
cheap jordans
nike blazer
tory burch handbags
burberry outlet
kate spade outlet
michael kors
ralph lauren
cheap ray ban sunglasses
nike air force 1
nike blazer low pas cher
oakley sunglasses
burberry handbags
coach outlet
louis vuitton
coach outlet online

Unknown said...

cheap uggs, http://www.uggboot.com.co/
salomon boots, http://www.salomonshoes.us.com/
insanity workout, http://www.insanityworkout.us.com/
tods shoes, http://www.todsshoes.us.com/
supra footwear, http://www.suprashoes.us.com/
hogan,hogan outlet,scarpe hogan,hogan sito ufficiale,hogan interactive
tommy hilfiger, http://www.tommyhilfigers.net/
nike running shoes, http://www.nikerunningshoes.cc/
nhl jerseys, http://www.nhljerseys.us.com/
bottega veneta outlet online, http://www.bottegaveneta-outlet.net/
canada goose jackets, http://www.canadagoose.us.org/
coach outlet, http://www.coach-outlet-store.us.com/
chicago blackhawks jersey, http://www.chicagoblackhawksjersey.us/
discount oakley sunglasses, http://www.oakleysunglassesdiscount.us.com/
nike shoes, http://www.cheap-nikeshoes.cc/
ray ban sunglasses outlet, http://www.raybansunglass.us.com/
louis vuitton bags, http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsoutlet.co.uk/
cleveland cavaliers, http://www.cavaliersjerseys.net/
true religion jeans outlet, http://www.truereligionjeansoutlets.us.com/
swarovski outlet, http://www.swarovski-outlet.co.uk/

Unknown said...

nike free, http://www.nikefree5.us/
lacoste shirts, http://www.lacostepoloshirts.cc/
michael kors factory online, http://www.michaelkorsfactoryoutletonline.com/
toms outlet, http://www.toms.us.com/
nike foamposite, http://www.foampositeshoe.net/
golden state warriors jerseys, http://www.warriorsjersey.com/
oklahoma city thunder, http://www.thunderjerseystore.com/
michael kors outlet online, http://www.michaelkors-outlets.us.com/
ghd uk, http://www.ghdhairstraightenerssale.co.uk/
ray-ban sunglasses, http://www.rayban-sunglassess.us.com/
raiders jerseys, http://www.oaklandraidersjerseys.us/
swarovski crystal, http://www.swarovskicrystals.co.uk/
abercrombie and fitch, http://www.abercrombie-fitch-hollister.fr/
roshe run men, http://www.rosherunshoessale.com/
boston celtics jersey, http://www.celticsjersey.com/
new york jets jerseys, http://www.newyorkjetsjersey.us/
louis vuitton outlet online, http://www.louisvuittonus.us.com/
miami dolphins jerseys, http://www.miamidolphinsjersey.com/
michael kors outlet, http://www.michaelkorsoutletonline.in.net/
hermes outlet, http://www.hermesbags.co.uk/

Unknown said...

polo shirts
hermes birkin
longchamp pliage
uggs outlet
babyliss pro
ugg outlet store
michael kors outlet online
links of london jewellery
fitflops clearance
mulberry handbags
christian louboutin shoes
michael kors outlet clearance
coach outlet
ralph lauren uk
tory burch shoes
moncler outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
ugg boots
michael kors handbags
michael kors outlet
christian louboutin uk
coach outlet
iphone case uk
michael kors outlet
tory burch outlet
uggs outlet
cheap nhl jerseys
toms shoes
cheap uggs
nike roshe run
oakley sunglasses
ugg slippers
longchamp handbags
kobe 9 elite
coach outlet canada

Unknown said...

kd 9 shoes
true religion outlet
cartier watches
christian louboutin
mont blanc pens
kate spade
cheap jerseys wholesale
ugg boots
tiffany and co jewelry
michael kors outlet
micahel kors
adidas superstar
adidas stan smith
ugg outlet
ray ban sunglasses
jimmy choo shoes
tommy hilfiger outlet
gucci outlet
rolex watches uk
coach outlet online
asics outlet
canada goose outlet online
polo outlet
ugg outlet
skechers outlet
abercrombie and fitch outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
red bottom shoes
ugg outlet
coach factory outlet
coach outlet online
rolex watches
reebok shoes
michael kors outlet clearance

Fangyaya said...

mont blanc pen
coach outlet
longchamp outlet
air jordan shoes
kobe shoes 11
louis vuitton outlet stores
discount jordans
copy watches
ray ban sunglasses outlet
oklahoma city thunder jerseys
ray ban outlet
burberry scarf
cheap oakleys
rolex watches for sale
kevin durant 9 shoes
coach factory outlet online
celine outlet
fitflop shoes
uggs on sale
michael kors outlet
moncler doudoune
louis vuitton bags
new york knicks jerseys
retro 11
michael kors outlet clearance
christian louboutin shoes
miami heat jerseys
gucci belts
ray ban sonnenbrille
coach outlet store online clearances
adidas superstar
ugg boots sale
oakley sunglasses wholesale
red bottom shoes
michael kors outlet clearance
coach outlet clearance
ugg uk
michael kors purses
cheap beats headphones
kate spade outlet

Mckelvey Broomfield said...

On the off chance that you claim a vehicle, you can set up the title up as insurance and get a credit in light of the estimation of the auto.
Car Title Loans Chicago

Unknown said...


chrome hearts outlet
prada outlet
burberry outlet
true religion jeans
fred perry polo shirts
knicks jerseys
michael kors outlet
nike foamposite
pandora charms
canada goose outlet

Anonymous said...

Further, instead of holding up days or half a month for a choice, numerous online organizations will react inside a few hours. Rivalry in this market is savage, so they will do what it takes to get your business.
Check Cashing Corona

Unknown said...

adidas iniki
adidas nmd
james harden shoes
off white
kobe shoes
michael kors outlet online
adidas ultra
yeezy boost
chrome hearts
lebron shoes

Unknown said...

new nike shoes
pandora jewelry
ralph lauren outlet
oakland raiders jerseys
football soldes
air max 90
ralph lauren outlet
michael kors uk
polo ralph lauren outlet

qqqqqqqqqqqq said...

adidas tubular
ray ban sunglasses
nike huarache
cheap oakley sunglasses
lacoste online shop
air force 1

Unknown said...

jimmy choo shoes
true religion outlet
christian louboutin shoes
football soldes
canada goose outlet
ed hardy clothing
true religion outlet
polo ralph lauren
canada goose jackets

Unknown said...

adidas iniki
vans outlet
nmd r1
adidas tubular
gucci belt
kobe sneakers
hermes handbags
nike roshe one
adidas nmd r1

jeje said...

Vous pouvez trouver beaucoup de différentes nike air max 1 ultra moire chaussure pour homme façons de nettoyer différents matériaux. La semelle apparente créé une meilleure traction, ce qui est essentiel pour toute personne qui joue dans le jeu de basket-ball. Quand vous aurez nike femme couleur blush tout cela en place, j'espère que vous vous souviendrez de votre costume d'Halloween. Les membres de l'équipe d'Angleterre peuvent éventuellement parler air jordan 9 anthracite nike avec une ascension de la reine tandis que les Brésiliens, les Indiens et l'anglais chinois pourraient être fortement interrompus par une ascension new balance 999 homme pas cher locale qui pourrait parfois être dérangeante. La chaussure Nike Air Jordan 1-Air Jordan 12 en haricot vert noir a été lancée le nike nike dynamo free ps 2 janvier 2008 et vendue au prix de 160 $. Comme les magasins, achetez un film rétractable pour couvrir les baskets, afin de s'assurer qu'il ne sera pas oxydé par basket nike roshe run bordeaux femme l'air.

Unknown said...

20181019 junda
oakley sunglasses
cheap nhl jerseys
ugg boots
pandora charms
saucony shoes
air jordan shoes
swarovski outlet
michael kors outlet
burberry outlet
coach outlet

johnhardy said...

I really apricate your good work. This new product of berlin is very good and useful. I hope this one is more famous in America market. Now it's time to avail FACE CLEANSER for more information.

mani said...

Thanks for sharing this post.Traffic Lawyer Amelia Virginia.

lucas said...

Thanks for the information, Very useful.Separation Agreement Virginia