Recap: Hookers and Presidents

Not exactly, but sort of. Well, maybe. Actually, probably not.

Last night's Big Quiz Thing was—do I dare say it?—one of the best ever. Presidents' Day is a nigh-holy occasion for me, as I've often stated, so I was proud to offer you all "Presidential Limericks." And you did great—you know your ultimately inconsequential American history, even Chester A. Arthur was not spared your trivial wrath. Extra props for Fat Kids, this week playing as Fat Kids Vote Taft, for being one of the three squads to rack up a perfect score on this round. Beware the undersized bathtub in LPR's VIP section, fellows.

The audio round was about prostitution, titled "The Oldest Profession" (I was surprised how few of you got What glamorous-sounding job, referenced in the Bible, is known as “the second-oldest profession?, though I suppose it could be construed as a tad vague), and I forgot to mention how proud I was that DJ GB and I managed to avoid the most obvious selection. We also sidestepped "Love for Sale," "53rd and 3rd," "Lady Marmalade"…damn, there are a lot of songs about hookers. And, of course, this led us into some rather spirited reverse heckling of the Fantastic Fournicators and the comely young ladies playing on their squad (What did their T-shirts say? I can't recall. But anything cynical of V-Day is okay with me.) Have no fear; Fournicator Steve and I buried the spatula postquiz.

Smart-Ass Points highlights of the evening…
The hottest chili pepper in the world is often known as the BLANK chili, where BLANK is what stereotypical Halloween costume?
A: The sexy nurse chili

Finish this slogan from the show Friday Night Lights: Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, BLANK.
A: Full Bladder

And one of the Presidential Limericks:

Van Buren: There’s not much to say
Of his effect on the ‘Merican Way
Though he wasn’t so cheery
The best linguists’ theory
Is that he gave us the saying, “BLANK”
A: Oy vey!

And yes, the oldest soloist on the new "We Are the World," age 83, is Madonna.

And of course, the Three-Way Finale remains the greatest thing in the history of live game shows, and Jefferson Davis Starship—after years of competition and hardly any victories—triumphed against stupidly long odds. JDS-er Anthony was slotted into the third-place runoff with returning champs Sugah Titz and Incontinental Congress. He stole away "Amazon.com’s bestseller list, No. 12 is what 1951 novel?" from the Incontinental rep (Atlas Shrugged—plausible, I suppose). Then in the big finale with Cash Cab for Cutie and Gerard Depardouche, Anthony implausibly claimed victory on "Winning an honorary Oscar in the process, what 1968 sci-fi movie spent 17% of its budget on makeup?" (one of my favorites, BTW). Amazing.

Now his life is complete

And, of course, the standings:
1. Jefferson Davis Starship: See above
2. Gerard Depardouche
3. Cash Cab for Cutie
4. Incontinental Congress/Sugah Titz (tie)
6. Fat Kids Vote Taft
7. The Fantastic Fournicators
8. Perfect Strangers Desperately Seeking Anybody
9. Large Hardon Collider
10. Cunning Stunts

March 1: We continue at the Red Fish, with a new element that turns that spotlight on…you, the audience. Intrigued? Stay tuned on this very blog for tantalizing info.