April 17, 2009

Milkshakes are the solution

Brutal, brutal week. Bru-taaaal! To placate myself, I went out for a frosty, frosty milkshake, at one of my local hangouts, the Deluxe diner. Famous for its shakes; it even has a separate page on the menu, listing each flavor in a different font (strawberry gets Pac-Man lettering).

I kept it simple: chocolate (I tend to self-mediate with cocoa). It was just delicious.I did note, however, that Deluxe—not the finest restaurant in NYC by any stretch of the imagination—charges a minimum of $6.25 for its shakes. It wasn't so long ago that a $5 shake was considered extravagant. To wit:

(Damn, I love that movie. My favorite ever BQT question about Pulp Fiction: Q: In the Bravo television edit of Pulp Fiction, what character is entirely removed from the movie?)

Milkshakes are terrific. They're one of those consumables that has (or had) a different name depending on where in the USA you enjoyed one: milkshake, frappe, cabinet, velvet. Mass media has basically elevated milkshake to national hegemony (much like it did for sneakers), but a trivia lover can appreciate the history. Plus, you can always count on milkshakes to make a significant supporting role in the zeitgeist every few years; I really dislike the Kelis song, but it was good for a clever pop-cultural meme. And if it weren't for milkshakes, that climactic scene in There Will Be Blood wouldn't have been quite so bat-shit, disturbingly wacky.

And by the way, contrary to rumor, the reason McDonald's calls its milkshakes just shakes is not because they don't contain milk. Milk is the No. 1 ingredient. I'm not sure why the substance is removed from the name, but McShakes are lacking another supposedly vital shake element: ice cream. Your McServer combines something called "shake mix" with milk and flavoring. Yum. Yet another reason McDonald's represents all that is soulless and wrong in the history of humanity.

And milkshakes represent all that is soulful and right. Believe it.